Debauchery

I tell my students never to do this, but here goes: Webster's second definition for Debauchery is: "seduction from duty, allegiance or virtue." I have to confess that:
a. I never quite thought of the word in those terms
b. I believe any number of pictures from my last man weekend, boys' trip, bromance getaway to Seattle with two college buddies could be definition number 3.

Some men of a certain age (say 43 for example) are having hoses with little cameras in them shoved up their asses to see if they will die soon, and from what (hint: the answers, in order, are, "yes" and "who cares"), while others go off every 6 to 8 months and act like rude children in a city far from home. And, while I confess that I have had the hose up my ass, I prefer to think of myself as the later. Thus I found myself, 10 days ago, in the Emerald City with two of my best friends from my Chico days. That it has taken me this long to write about the experience says as much as any of these words. While I could wax retarded for an hour about the need for men to seek each other's friendship, to nurture each other in the philos way, etc., I think a top ten would be simpler.

Top Ten Things to Not Do on a Bromance Weekend When You're 43:

10. Do not forget that last time you had the beat salad at Crow Restaurant in Queen Anne, the next morning you thought you were bleeding internally, which would have been possible.

9. Do not get a window seat each way after drinking beers at home and at the airport before getting on the plane, especially if you have a peanut-bladder.

8. Do not think that walking to a bike expo ("it's only a mile and a half") is a good idea in driving Seattle rain.

7. Do not each things your "friend" gives you.

6. Do not see how many Manhattans a human can consume at any given bar on any given night. Hint: it's probably not more than 7.

5. Do not discuss (in full voice, on a street corner, without checking around to notice the nice lady and her dog out for a walk) the likelihood that a woman who lets you have your way with her backside has had, let's say, 6 or 7 other special friends do the same thing.

4. Do not think that switching to Vodka two days in will make things easier because it's clear and then drink twice as much of it as you have anything else.

3. Do not eat more things your "friend" gives you because you can't feel the first or second one. Remember, fucker, you're drunk off your ass at this point. You're only going to wake up at 3 a.m. watching the room turn into a bad scene from Cirque De Freake, remaining awake and freaking out for the rest of the night until 8 a.m. when you realize you have to pull your shit together to get on a plane, though puking in the taxi is appealing, and you look like Joaquin Phoenix in that bad mockumentary--nuff said.

2. Do not drink strange beers from Canada, just because they're cheap and you have already spent $600 on booze this weekend anyway, while you watch the Drive by Truckers do their thing.

1. Do not pay attention to any of this shit next year. Do it all again. You owe it to yourself and it's the only thing that keeps you from going postal. Thanks R and G for a great and terrible weekend.