Oprah

Does it make me a bitch that I get misty watching Yahoo replays of Oprah's holiday giveaway? Don't answer that, but I do. I watch the faces of out-of-work, middle-American housewives and gay men in her audience light up like a Busby Berkely dance sequence upon winning a year's supply of candles. Those are some great smelling fucking candles.

I don't blame Oprah. She probably feels like shit for being so wealthy for so little reason and, once a year, with the full cooperation of every corporation involved, she buys her guilt by giving away household items to people without houses. The candle is gonna look great on the middle of the tent floor; thanks Oprah.

We are broke and broken as a country. Game shows were fun when I was a kid, people won money in the hundreds of dollars, which made them as happy as winning $100,000 today. Montey Hall would slip a $50 into the hand of a blue-haired old lady because she had a paper clip in her purse--and we all smiled. Why? Because back then, $50 was mildly life changing. This woman who won it lived in a functional society. She didn't need, or really want much beyond the life she had. Her parents didn't have indoor plumbing, television, etc.. Life was good, and $50 could buy a fuckload of Manhattans.

I get why these people in Oprah's audience act like they just got the call from the governor when they win a lifetime supply of boxed Mac-n-Cheese. Things are that bad. We are that broke. Oprah is our only hope.